Jokes
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Gates and Lightbulb (0)Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to change the lightbulb?? A: None. He just calls a meeting & makes darkness the standard. |
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3 nuns (0)There were 3 nuns in the church 2 were crying 1 was laughing the preist walked up to a crying 1 and said 'why are you crying' the nun said i killed ... |
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Men went fishing (0)Two Morons rent a rowboat, row out a way, throw their lines in and try fishing. Nothing happens. One fellow says to the other, we have to row out ... |
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A carrot in his ear (0)A guy goes into the bar with a carrot in his ear. He orders a drink. The bar tender wants to mention the carrot but doesn't. Next day the same guy ... |
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Mushroom in a bar (0)This mushroom walks into a bar and starts hitting on this woman... She turns him down flat but the mushroom is persistent. Not willing, to give up, ... |
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Two strings (0)These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings in this ... |
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Judge has some fun (0)A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench. One day the judge glared down at the man, who was still intoxicated, and ... |
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Undercover detective (0)A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?" "No, I am an undercover detective." "So why are you in uniform?" "Today is my day ... |
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Try to explain women (0)A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions. "Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead". "OK," ... |
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How fast was I going? (0)"When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least." "You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old." |
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Where is your wife? (0)On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" To which ... |
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Go give us a donation (0)Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on. He said "It's Al ... |
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Breaking into a house (0)A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in ... |
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A test for being drunk (0)A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to ... |
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The reason for running (0)A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he ... |
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Should have glasses (0)A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses." The woman answered "Well, I ... |
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Dealing with a juggler (0)Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer. "I juggle them ... |
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Lost far from a home (0)A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman ... |
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Catch a drunk driver (0)Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, ... |
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Working in the garden (0)A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife: "I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant ... |
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Catching the shoplifter (0)A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any ... |
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New person in prison (0)A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer ... |
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Dealing with criminals (0)A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife. "You just won't believe what happened this ... |
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Looking into their eyes (0)A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice ... |
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Swerve to avoid a box (0)Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for ... |
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Panama. (0)"Gary, what you know about panama canal "Our television doesn't have this channel." |
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Boot. (0)Luisa is running on raini street, big black boot on one leg, but on the other leg is only sock. "Luisa did you lost your boot?" Luisa:" No I found ... |
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Boot. (0)Luisa is running on raini street, big black boot on one leg, but on the other leg is only sock. "Luisa did you lost your boot?" Luisa:" No I found ... |
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Doctor. (0)Doctor is sitting on Karl's bed" Now, Karl what is aching?" "The leg what you are sitting on!" Says Karl. |
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Tickets. (0)Five Englishmen boarded a train just behind five Scots, who, as a group had only purchased one ticket. Just before the conductor came through, all ... |
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