Jokes
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How fast was I going? (0)"When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least." "You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old." |
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Try to explain women (0)A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions. "Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead". "OK," ... |
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Undercover detective (0)A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?" "No, I am an undercover detective." "So why are you in uniform?" "Today is my day ... |
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Judge has some fun (0)A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench. One day the judge glared down at the man, who was still intoxicated, and ... |
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Two strings (0)These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings in this ... |
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Mushroom in a bar (0)This mushroom walks into a bar and starts hitting on this woman... She turns him down flat but the mushroom is persistent. Not willing, to give up, ... |
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A carrot in his ear (0)A guy goes into the bar with a carrot in his ear. He orders a drink. The bar tender wants to mention the carrot but doesn't. Next day the same guy ... |
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Men went fishing (0)Two Morons rent a rowboat, row out a way, throw their lines in and try fishing. Nothing happens. One fellow says to the other, we have to row out ... |
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3 nuns (0)There were 3 nuns in the church 2 were crying 1 was laughing the preist walked up to a crying 1 and said 'why are you crying' the nun said i killed ... |
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Gates and Lightbulb (0)Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to change the lightbulb?? A: None. He just calls a meeting & makes darkness the standard. |
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The Farmer on the plane (0)A farmer, who is not familiar with new technolagy, never went on a plane, but had to visit his sick daughter in California. He asked the flight ... |
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2 programmers on a highway (0)Two computer programmers are driving on a Highway. They switch on the radio and there is a warning: Please note that a car is driving on highway 75 ... |
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Airplane ride (0)A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. "$10 for 3 minutes," ... |
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Bra Shopping (0)A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my ... |
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Bad News, Good News, Great News (0)The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door. "We're sorry to call on you ... |
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Anniversary (0)A guy says, "For our Twentieth Anniversary, I'm taking my wife to Australia." His friend says, "That's going to be tough to beat. What are you ... |
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Beer, eh (0)A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer ... |
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Anyone Here (0)Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all ... |
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Female Comebacks (0)Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one ... |
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Deaf (0)A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be, what should I do?" The doctor replies, "Try this ... |
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Cocktail party (0)At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I ... |
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Coming Home Late (0)Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home ... |
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Control (0)There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains ... |
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Always By My Side (0)A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he ... |
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Burglar (0)A burglar, needing money to pay his income taxes, decided to rob the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading: ... |
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Cheap Date (0)Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates, Little Johnny's Father asked how much his last date had cost. Little Johnny calculated ... |
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Anniversary Flowers (0)A sad-faced Doug walked into a flower shop early one morning. The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, based on the look on ... |
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Family Pants (0)Jack and Jill were getting married. Jack was talking to his dad about the marriage when his dad says, "I remember when your mom and I got married. ... |
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Cosmetic Surgery (0)A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai hospital. While on the operating table, ... |
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Chinese Couple (0)A Chinese couple had a new baby. The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, black baby boy. "Congratulations," says the nurse to the new ... |
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